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How I survived a wolf attack in Mongolia. Kind of.
26My heart skips a beat. I know this sound. And I know what’s going to happen next. It’s always the same. Every time you hear that sound something bad will happen in the next second. Something really bad. With dead people in the end. Or at least dead animals. But I’m not sitting in a cinema seat and I’m not eating popcorn, I’m standing in our kitchen tent in the middle of nowhere in Mongolia. One second ago I wanted to visit the toilet tent and then fall happily asleep in my single tent. But now I can’t even move.
The howling is so fucking close. Fear. With wide eyes I’m starring at our tour guide. Wolves? Are you fucking kidding me? Wolves??! I’m feeling cold, I’m feeling hot and I don’t know if I should cry or laugh.
The view from the kitchen tent earlier that night.
Yes. She says. A pack. Probably right behind our kitchen tent. The howling stopped but my head is still spinning. I’ve totally forgotten how it feels to be frightened. And then she’s shouting something loudly in Mongolian. Are you scaring off the wolves? She says chon is the Mongolian word for wolf. Three seconds later our three drivers and our cook are standing inside the kitchen tent. I can’t see any fear in their eyes. Suddenly one of the driver storms out to get something. I hope it is a gun. Something to protect us. He’s coming back. With. A. Bottle. Of. Vodka. This helps. He says. Shall I beat the wolf with this??? Drink. He says. Yes, it really does help a bit.
Vodka. The universal remedy.
But seriously guys. While we’re drinking vodka inside I bet the wolves outside are planing who they want to eat first. Everybody is laughing. Except the two Suisse girls who also are still awake. They, too, are not laughing.
Ok, IF you get attacked by a wolf (and there it is: BUT they are more scared of you than you are of them!) you have to hit the wolf’s nose. With a spoon for example. (That’s the only thing we have right now. Inside the kitchen tent) Our Mongolian team is curling up as one of the driver is doing a quick pantomime to demonstrate this. And I see myself standing there. Heroic. Wind is wafting my hair. The wolf and me – with a spoon in my hand.
Ok, you can also use trekking poles. I don’t own stuff like this. I squint to one of the Suisse girls who does own trekking poles. You take one pole to keep the wolf at a distance and then you let the other one slide over the first one. Straight onto the wolf’s nose.
I feel a bit better now. Vodka does help. For real. AND the invitation of the Suisse girls to sleep in their tent tonight. The only question is now: Who’s going to sleep in the middle? (middle = safest spot if the wolves attack the tent) I think my argument, “I’m the youngest and you already got much more out of life than me” would be incredibly convincing but it wasn’t. Ok, at least I don’t have to sleep alone in my single tent.
A little while later we dared to leave the kitchen tent. The night was bright. Was it full moon? I can’t remember. Heroically, our drivers accompany us to the toilet tent, which is located at an appropriate distance. As I uneasily pull down my pants, I think: Ha, I managed not to wet myself after all.
The idyllic toilet tent standing all alone in the middle of nowhere on another night
When we finally reached the Suisses girl’s tent with my luggage, the driver crouches down and signals me to do the same. Less than two meters away a pair of eyes is starring right at me. In my memory they were glowing yellow. And then I realize. It’s just a dog. The same dog who will keep us awake all night with his barking. But I’m happy about it, cause somehow I think this kept the wolves at bay. Because I’m pretty sure I would have messed up this spoon thing.
But to be honest, honestly, I would love to see a wolf one day. In Mongolia, they say, it’s a great honour because it is believed that no one can see a wolf unless he or she is that wolf’s equal. Well, at least a pack of wolves thought me worthy enough to howl for me. Once.
Thanks to www.weltweitwandern.at for inviting me on this trip.
Very scary but hilarious at the same time,sorry for laughing. Hit it on the nose with a spoon? That wouldn’t scare my German shepherd away ,who’s very wolf like ! Lol!
Tut mir leid, aber ich habe mich gerade auf deine Kosten amüsiert
Sehr schön geschrieben, und nette Schweizerinnen
See, when you encounter a lion you are not even allowed to hit them with the little stick they give you, because poor lion, don’t hit it! You are supposed to tap it on the floor in front of the lion and just say ‘No’. I’m reckoning it would work quite well with a stern German accent, but what would all the non-Germans do.
Hit the wolf on the nose with a spoon! PRICELESS!
Sure…poke the wolf with a stick…that’ll work:) Hilarious…
This is hilarious! I can just picture you battling off a wolf pack with a spoon
Lovely story. Wolves are amazing animals, though I’ve only seen them in captivity. Clearly a lot more exciting if they’re outside your tent at night!
Haha! Good to know. I’m headed to Mongolia in the summer and I’ll be sure to bring ample spoons along.
I had such a good laugh reading this! Not sure if the spoon advise would gave calmed my nerves if I had wolves that close!
haha nice! Where I grew up we used to have coyotes howl at us all the time cause I grew up on a sheep farm and they liked to come and try to steal a meal – you get used to the sounds of them eventually
You could have always fended the wolf off by poking it in the eye… it’s supposed to work with crocodiles at least
Very entertaining read!
Ahah so funny you must have been freaking out but at least you can (kind of) laugh about it now!
Do you know the cartoon of The Tick. His battle cry was “Spoon!!”. Not sure if he fought wolves in the show or not.
I would love to go to Mongolia one day. I hear it is amazing.
Really enjoyed this article, partly because wolves are my fave animal. Glad you lived to tell the tale and at least there were suisse women involved
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Wolves and vodka and Suisse women…what a story, awooooooo!
Ha ha ha – so funny! I think your logic to sleep in the middle is perfectly reasonable, though. And after a few vodkas, who really cares?
Sehr schöner Bericht!
Erinnert mich ein bisschen an den Yosemite Park, wo alle Panik vor Bären-Attacken auf Autos und Hütten machen – und hinterher ist man enttäuscht, dass man keinen einzigen Bären gesehen hat!
Hello was just searching some news about mongolia and i found your post, was a plaisure to read your experience you had in Mongolia, i Am from Mongolia and i had seen few times a wolf not so far from me, while we was camping in country side. but never be scared of , because yes like your staff said wolf is more frightend than you.
Wölfe? Die sind doch komplett harmlos, wirklich. Vollkommen ungefährlich. Fahr doch mal nach Afrika, zelte dort, und warte darauf, dass die Löwen um den Campingplatz herum brüllen. DAS geht durch Mark und Bein, und die sind wirklich gefährlich. Aber: eine einzigartige Erfahrung. Sollte man in Gegenden machen, wo die Campingplätze nicht eingezäunt sind, also in Botswana oder Tansania z.B.