Sometimes I think I’m crazy. In those moments, thoughts are spinning through my head so fast, one is gone before the others even start. And then there’s this inner unrest, a yearning, an anxiety. A “this can’t be everything”. Then I have to rearrange things, in my apartment, in my thoughts, in my life.
„You are crazy, my child. You have to go to Berlin.“
And here I am. And now? Now I’m sitting here and thinking that Berlin isn’t that crazy anymore. This was different before I moved here. And in the very beginning of my Berlin life. Back then Berlin was a huge adventure playground and I felt so much cooler than I actually was.
And still there’s no other place on earth I feel more comfortable. It took me six weeks to find out. Six weeks. When I was sitting there, in Cambodia, saw the snow pics of Berlin and just wanted to go back home.
After all my travels last year I was sick of travelling. Was happy to finally be back home. Calm down, no packing bags that soon again. Six weeks, that’s my limit. Because then it started all over. First I didn’t realize what was wrong. I was just cranky all the time. And pissed off so many people in my life. Unrest was unresting me. It stopped when I finally packed my bags again. And left.
6 Weeks. Homesickness. Afarsickness. Both as bad.
Some people say I’m brave, just because I do what I do. Berlin, being self-employed, the travelling. I’m not brave.
I have no goals, no “in ten years my life will be like this or that”. This was different in the past, at least for a while I was tempted by the safety of being settled.
„Actually it’s ok like it is right now. It could stay like this forever“
Muted my inner voice and felt good. Lived one day, then another. Easy as this. Until suddenly, and often without any reason, I pushed a button and my inner voice started screaming. Until I did what she wanted me to do. I’m not brave. I can’t help it. Because if I mute my inner voice it starts hurting after a while. And that’s not good.
You only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough.
My inner voice wants me to go. Somewhere else. To places I’ve never seen. Wants me to do things I’ve never done before. And back. Then she’s happy and says: Well done. Now I will leave you alone for a while. For another six weeks.
And sometimes you’re standing at the window, drinking coffee and listening to music. And then you know, everything happens for a reason. And your inner voice nods and takes another sip of coffee.
I’m crazy, my child. I have to go out into the world. And back.
The perfect soundtrack for this post:
Interesting how people always tell you that you are brave if you move, go places. I get the same. And then I want to to say ‘huh?’, but I just can’t do it any other way…
that’s exactly what I’ve meant 😀
My inner voice is telling me that being in Australia is the right thing to do, to be in this part of the world, right here, right now at this time. I think tough times lie ahead, but you know what – every experience, every where I’ve been, every person I’ve met has led me here. Of course, that includes a cozy soothing little place in Berlin Schöneberg.
that’s true, every experience, every place we’ve been and every person we met lead us to where we are. 😀
I’m not the only one! I was sitting here, excited about going to Melbourne and now here I’ve been for six weeks and I CANNOT WAIT to get out and get moving again. Come meet up with me, let’s have another adventure 🙂
haha, yes!!!! <3
I like this post. It’s not about bravery really; it’s about traveling being the only way to satisfy a particular urge that exists inside many (maybe all?) of us.
yes, yes, you’re right!
I get very restless being at home too. Cranky even. I enjoy traveling, but every couple of weeks I seem to need a break too. My break only lasts about a week and then I am itching to go again.
haha, yes, that cranky part sounds familiar 😀 but one week wouldn’t be enough for me 😀
I really get this, Yvonne! We have been living in one place for 10 weeks now–the longest since we began traveling full-time in mid-2011. I am SO ready to get moving again! Just booked a flat in Toronto for TBEX, and planning to road-trip between now and then. Gotta go. . . . 😉
Haha, YAY See you in Toronto then!!
Berlin looks like a wonderful place to visit. Sorry to hear about the homesickness! Glad you found your passion for travel. Thanks for sharing, and good luck in future travels.